My trouble with my weight is always mind over matter. The matter being food. So many irrational thoughts pop into my mind when choosing what to eat. Like, if you eat this now, then latter you'll eat less for dinner to compensate. Irrational, because it doesn't happen. I'll eat the same amount for dinner, no matter what I ate before. Another is, I will only have this one. Irrational, because I will have two.
I have managed to overcome the worst of the irrational food thoughts by saying to myself, do you really want this? And for when the thought gremlins win, I keep "safe" foods in the house to reach for. There is always a variety of low calories, sugar free/fat free things for me to grab in a moment of weakness.
Keeping weight off requires lots of planning. Breakfast and Lunch are easy. Oatmeal or yogurt. Lunch can be trickier, but usually a salad and a sandwich will do. Dinner is a challenge. There always has to be fresh vegetables in the house to cook with. Since we don't eat pasta, rice or flour, dinner isn't as simple as boiling water for pasta, or calling in for a pizza. Chinese food can work sometimes, but I always have to explain to the restaurant, no garlic, very little oil. Sometimes I miss the old days, but I don't miss them enough to revert back to my bad eating habits.
There are many mental tricks to play on yourself. Serve food on smaller plates, split shrimp down the center to double the amount, bulk up on vegetables. The one I like the best-I have to have seconds, so, I take 3/4's of my designated portion and save the last 1/4 for "seconds". Works every time. I think that I am having seconds, fooled me!
I don't like my meals to be science. I try to stay away from tofu noodles and TVP products, like hot dogs, pastrami, chicken nuggets and meatballs. Or things made with soy that shouldn't be, like cheese, milk and yogurt. I would rather eat the real thing instead of a lab project. Igor eat this...Igor like? Good Igor...
Pass on the molten chocolate cake, vanilla ice cream, creme brulee, tiramisu, or cheescake-can do! Pass on the warm crusty bread and the butter? I don't think so, some things I just can't resist.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Winter
It was 14 degrees when we woke up this morning. Too cold to go out birdwatching, even with layers of clothes on. We needed milk, so I bundled up and went out and bought some. Afterwards, for the first time in ages I sat on the sofa reading a book. I haven't been reading lately because I haven't been riding the subway. I used to read for hours everyday, commuting to and from work when I lived on Staten Island. I read so much while commuting, that I did most of my reading and studying while in transit when I was in grad school. I couldn't do that now, with people talking on cell phones constantly, or because they show movies on buses or play the radio. I can't stand the proliferation of TVs. Everywhere I go, gas stations, doctor's waiting rooms, supermarket checkout lines and even the bank, there are TVs. I can't even find quiet in the bathroom-there are women who talk on the phone while urinating. All this constant audio/visual input fills my world with unwanted noise. I find it difficult to concentrate outside of my own home. A person can't be alone with their own thoughts in public any longer. I have to wonder why people are afraid of solitude.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Great Weekend!
This weekend was a lot of fun. Rarely do I stay out until 2 a.m., but this Friday night, I did!
I met a woman who I have been conversing on a shared interest message board for the past year and a half. What a great time meeting her and her friends, in my neighborhood. As we walked past Urban Glass on Fulton St. I said, "this is where I took the lamp work glass bead class!" And she knew exactly what I was talking about. Which was very cool, considering very few people know what I am talking about! I miss "Girls Nite Out". A couple of drinks, some cheesy nachos, good friends, joking about men all equals a good time.
My birthday is coming up. I am really in the dumps about it. I am reading a biography that has photographs of the subject from different times in his life. I see him age from a young, strong handsome man to a very good looking middle aged man and finally to an old man. I find the effect of age on our bodies so depressing. The lines on our faces, the loss of vigor in our step, the sagging of our skin, the graying of our hair. To see all the ravages of age on a man by turning a couple of pages is horrifying. I say...that's going to happen to me. I should take my trip around the world savings and use it for my trip to the plastic surgeon's office instead. My neck looks like a chicken's, my bat wings still sway long after my arms stop moving, and I have turkey tendons in my hands.
I said my husband, how at 52, half my life is over.
His response...At 52, it's way more than half!
gee thanks
I met a woman who I have been conversing on a shared interest message board for the past year and a half. What a great time meeting her and her friends, in my neighborhood. As we walked past Urban Glass on Fulton St. I said, "this is where I took the lamp work glass bead class!" And she knew exactly what I was talking about. Which was very cool, considering very few people know what I am talking about! I miss "Girls Nite Out". A couple of drinks, some cheesy nachos, good friends, joking about men all equals a good time.
My birthday is coming up. I am really in the dumps about it. I am reading a biography that has photographs of the subject from different times in his life. I see him age from a young, strong handsome man to a very good looking middle aged man and finally to an old man. I find the effect of age on our bodies so depressing. The lines on our faces, the loss of vigor in our step, the sagging of our skin, the graying of our hair. To see all the ravages of age on a man by turning a couple of pages is horrifying. I say...that's going to happen to me. I should take my trip around the world savings and use it for my trip to the plastic surgeon's office instead. My neck looks like a chicken's, my bat wings still sway long after my arms stop moving, and I have turkey tendons in my hands.
I said my husband, how at 52, half my life is over.
His response...At 52, it's way more than half!
gee thanks
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Sunday, January 17, 2010
My thoughts on Red Carpet dresses
In a nutshell...they look like bad bridemaids dresses or really horrid prom dresses to me.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Naturally THIN-me, ha!
I can't believe when people tell me that I act "naturally thin". It makes me laugh. They should only know what I go through in order to maintain my 75 pound weight loss. The angst over every thing I eat. The anxiety every morning when I get on the scale. The constant juggling of "if I eat this, I can't eat that today". It never ends. Even with all my vigilance, I still gain weight. I wish I would get "brownie" points" for all the things I didn't eat, that I wanted to.
My "thinness" is by no means natural. I was 120 pounds at 6 years old. I was 190 at 11. I had a 38C chest at 12. At 13 I wore a men's 40 in jeans and men's clothes most of the time (because in the late 60's and early 70's being obese was uncommon and there weren't many options-and I was lucky because women wearing men's clothes was hip).
The first time I joined Weight Watchers was when I was 10, I lost no weight. I remember the original program with number 3 and number 4 vegetables. I can still remember, 2 ounces of protein for breakfast, 4 ounces of protein for lunch and 6-8 ounces of protein for dinner, fish 5 times a week, liver once a week, two eight ounce glasses of skim milk a day, 3 fruits. It was a very strict diet. No ketchup, you boiled tomato juice down till it thickened. Two slices of bread a day. People rejoiced when baked potatoes were added to the plan.
Right now I am in a "funk" with my weight. I go to the gym and gain muscle weight. I get depressed that I am gaining weight when I think that I should be losing weight. I eat too much salt and I retain 3 pounds of water. I get depressed that I gaining weight. People tell me that I look good, I don't believe them. I still have this self image of myself as the fat woman in the room. I am still self conscious about everything I put in my mouth in public. People around me are waiting to see if I put the weight back on. All very depressing.
But tomorrow is always another day to have a fresh start to make the right food choices. Another shot at getting down to my real goal weight of 155. Right now the scale is high for me. Since Christmas I am having trouble getting back down. I am trying to eat less. Smaller portions, less snacking. I think that I am succeeding with the snacking part. It's when I work out that I get ravenously hungry. If I want to lose weight, I have to eat fish. I really don't like fish. If I want to lose weight I have to write down everything I eat, everyday. I tend to "forget" to do it. If I want to lose weight, I can't eat anything with sugar in it. This I can do! and that's my start.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Blahhhh...........
It's cold, I'm cold.
That's winter for you.
My last post is a hard act to follow. It's very funny, go (re)read it!
I noticed what went on around me today.
-At Hunter College, a huge Welcome sign over 8 doors marked Exit Only.
-The teenage orthodox Jewish mother who doesn't smile holding her baby on her lap.
-A woman who has stopped wearing her wedding band on her left finger.
-The number of women wearing mink coats between 86th St. and 92nd St. on Lexington Ave.
-A woman, I know, who has lost a lot of weight.
-Poorly done wire wrapping on a silver necklace.
-A kitchen worker spitting on the pavement outside a restaurant.
-The ice on the pavement in front of the garden center that caused everyone to walk in the street, someone can slip and sue.
-The number of birthday cards that have fart references.
-The cashier talking about dropping her boyfriend because he didn't pay attention to her. Can I drop her at as my cashier for the same reason?
What I didn't notice today, whether my waiter was Hispanic or Greek.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Constant Kvetching vs. Statement of Fact
My husband, because of his lack of experience living with Jewish women (his mother is Italian and converted to Judaism-so she really doesn't count), does not understand the difference between kvetching and a statement of fact.
Oy, (the standard alta kockah opening for any statement of fact) does my back hurt.
That's a fact. Why does my back hurt so much? Maybe I have been sitting in an uncomfortable chair working all day, or I have been standing in the kitchen too long cooking dinner, or I have been moving furniture, climbing on chairs and reaching to vacuum behind the couch or the 11ft of crown molding in the house.
Oy, am I tired.
Another fact. Why am I tired? Maybe I couldn't sleep. Why couldn't I sleep? Let me count the ways. First there is stress from work. Next there is the cat, who insists on sleeping between our pillows. Then there is the Afro-Caribbean music from the man in the next building playing until 1 in the morning. Lest I not forget snoring, his, the cats, my own. Can I sleep late, no, I have to get up to go to work.
Oy, am I cold or Oy, am I hot.
Men just don't understand that narrow window of comfort we middle age women develop. It can be 10 degrees out, I need the window open, it's too hot in the bedroom. It can be 75 degrees, I need the air conditioner on, it's too hot. However, I get cold. Standing on the bike path that runs along the Belt Parkway, in 20 degree weather with the wind blowing in my face, scanning the bay for the gull with the yellow bill, in the wrong long johns on-I catch a chill I can't rid of.
The list can go on and on. But I am not kvetching because to kvetch I would have to be complaining and I am not complaining. I am stating a fact.
Statement of fact: Oy, do I have a headache. There were 5 loud speaker announcements on the F train today between York St. and East Broadway.
Kvetch: Oy, I couldn't even get 2 minutes of peace on the subway today. My head aches from the constant droning over the loud speakers about not giving money to strangers, not leaving packages unattended, following the crew's instructions in case of an emergency. And the best one-it's dangerous to ride on the outside of a train car while the train is in motion. They had to give me a headache, to tell me this. Nu? do you think the misshuggahs riding on the OUTSIDE of the train are going to hear the announcement INSIDE the train? Vey is mir...
Now that's kvetching!
Oy, (the standard alta kockah opening for any statement of fact) does my back hurt.
That's a fact. Why does my back hurt so much? Maybe I have been sitting in an uncomfortable chair working all day, or I have been standing in the kitchen too long cooking dinner, or I have been moving furniture, climbing on chairs and reaching to vacuum behind the couch or the 11ft of crown molding in the house.
Oy, am I tired.
Another fact. Why am I tired? Maybe I couldn't sleep. Why couldn't I sleep? Let me count the ways. First there is stress from work. Next there is the cat, who insists on sleeping between our pillows. Then there is the Afro-Caribbean music from the man in the next building playing until 1 in the morning. Lest I not forget snoring, his, the cats, my own. Can I sleep late, no, I have to get up to go to work.
Oy, am I cold or Oy, am I hot.
Men just don't understand that narrow window of comfort we middle age women develop. It can be 10 degrees out, I need the window open, it's too hot in the bedroom. It can be 75 degrees, I need the air conditioner on, it's too hot. However, I get cold. Standing on the bike path that runs along the Belt Parkway, in 20 degree weather with the wind blowing in my face, scanning the bay for the gull with the yellow bill, in the wrong long johns on-I catch a chill I can't rid of.
The list can go on and on. But I am not kvetching because to kvetch I would have to be complaining and I am not complaining. I am stating a fact.
Statement of fact: Oy, do I have a headache. There were 5 loud speaker announcements on the F train today between York St. and East Broadway.
Kvetch: Oy, I couldn't even get 2 minutes of peace on the subway today. My head aches from the constant droning over the loud speakers about not giving money to strangers, not leaving packages unattended, following the crew's instructions in case of an emergency. And the best one-it's dangerous to ride on the outside of a train car while the train is in motion. They had to give me a headache, to tell me this. Nu? do you think the misshuggahs riding on the OUTSIDE of the train are going to hear the announcement INSIDE the train? Vey is mir...
Now that's kvetching!
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Ah-cost-sted
So here I am, minding my own business, merrily strolling down Montague Street, in Brooklyn Heights and within one block I am tag teamed by representatives of three different charities wanting money from me in the form of monthly automatic payments from my credit card.
The first, in their cute little green anoraks, was the boy-girl team from Greenpeace, telling me even though I am really cold right now, global warming is an issue. "DON'T YOU CARE ABOUT THE PLANET?". As my dear husband, Larry would say, "Apres moi, le deluge"
I have successfully discharged the first team only to be met by The Second. Clinging to their professional looking clip boards with backstage like ID's hanging from their necks, they actually got my attention for a split second. Lately in NY, there has been much "to do" (NYese for ado) about the drilling for natural gas around the watershed area in the Catskills, where the NYC supply of unfiltered fresh water is from. I have been to that area. It is a very highly protected area. You can't even take a canoe from one reservoir to another because you can contaminate the water with non indigenous bacteria. That's how strict they are about our water supply. Also on Dec. 23 the DEP voted against the drilling in the shale-good night, no issue. So what do these people want from me? They want me to sign up for a monthly donation to their organization, yeah right. Can you spell S-C-A-M. Give me a mirror so I can watch the Pigs fly out of my (_!_).
The last group who wanted me to part with my hard earned dollars, was Child International. I have no idea what they are about, but they preface their pleas for my credit card number by asking me, don't you care about children? Oy vey! already...as a Jewish New Yorker, it's going to take a much better constructed, more highly compelling guilt trip to get me to hand over my plastic. Nu? I guess I don't care enough about impoverished third world children. I "cleaned" one too many plates because of starving children in Europe. Somehow, my eating, of all the horrid canned spinach put in front of me, alleviated their hunger. Who knew I had such magical powers! Later for you guys...
Another Pet Peeve of mine...
The first, in their cute little green anoraks, was the boy-girl team from Greenpeace, telling me even though I am really cold right now, global warming is an issue. "DON'T YOU CARE ABOUT THE PLANET?". As my dear husband, Larry would say, "Apres moi, le deluge"
I have successfully discharged the first team only to be met by The Second. Clinging to their professional looking clip boards with backstage like ID's hanging from their necks, they actually got my attention for a split second. Lately in NY, there has been much "to do" (NYese for ado) about the drilling for natural gas around the watershed area in the Catskills, where the NYC supply of unfiltered fresh water is from. I have been to that area. It is a very highly protected area. You can't even take a canoe from one reservoir to another because you can contaminate the water with non indigenous bacteria. That's how strict they are about our water supply. Also on Dec. 23 the DEP voted against the drilling in the shale-good night, no issue. So what do these people want from me? They want me to sign up for a monthly donation to their organization, yeah right. Can you spell S-C-A-M. Give me a mirror so I can watch the Pigs fly out of my (_!_).
The last group who wanted me to part with my hard earned dollars, was Child International. I have no idea what they are about, but they preface their pleas for my credit card number by asking me, don't you care about children? Oy vey! already...as a Jewish New Yorker, it's going to take a much better constructed, more highly compelling guilt trip to get me to hand over my plastic. Nu? I guess I don't care enough about impoverished third world children. I "cleaned" one too many plates because of starving children in Europe. Somehow, my eating, of all the horrid canned spinach put in front of me, alleviated their hunger. Who knew I had such magical powers! Later for you guys...
Another Pet Peeve of mine...
The first Pet Peeve
The Suburu "Share the Love" campaign.
I will buy an new car and they will donate $250 to one of 5 charities. I ask, who's getting the tax deduction? You've increased the purchase price of my car by $250, so you can give the money that I just borrowed-to pay you-so that you can make a charitable donation and get the tax write off. Meanwhile, I have to pay tons of interest on the money that I borrowed. Hum...why don't you reduce the price of the car by $250 and I'll donate the money.
'Nuff said...
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Just Ducky
This winter seems to be the windiest that I can remember.
This morning we were standing at the pedestrian bridge that crosses the Belt Parkway at 17th Ave in Brooklyn looking for the elusive Mew Gull that has been reported there. As I was standing in 28 degree weather, with wind gusts of 30 or so miles per hour that brought the "real feel" temps closer to single digits, I thought, while scanning the bay for the one gull without a black or red dot on it's bill, I am out of my mind. Now this would have been worth the numbed fingers and cold feet if I had seen the gull, but alas, I had not. I was bummed. It would have been really cool to start the year with a life bird.
Yesterday we saw great birds at Lookout Point around Jones Beach-Harlequin ducks, Long-tailed ducks, Common Eiders, Surf Scoters and Horned Grebes. The major treat of the day was seeing 2 male Eiders in full breeding plumage. Today we saw a Red Breasted Merganser, Black Ducks and Common Goldeneyes. Usually I have to walk the on the dreaded jetty at the end of Long Beach Island to see the Harlequins. The jetty at Barnegat Light is 1 mile long, with huge gaps between the rocks. I become paralyzed after about the 3 or 4th rock. I am terrified of slipping between them. Call me silly.
This morning we were standing at the pedestrian bridge that crosses the Belt Parkway at 17th Ave in Brooklyn looking for the elusive Mew Gull that has been reported there. As I was standing in 28 degree weather, with wind gusts of 30 or so miles per hour that brought the "real feel" temps closer to single digits, I thought, while scanning the bay for the one gull without a black or red dot on it's bill, I am out of my mind. Now this would have been worth the numbed fingers and cold feet if I had seen the gull, but alas, I had not. I was bummed. It would have been really cool to start the year with a life bird.
Yesterday we saw great birds at Lookout Point around Jones Beach-Harlequin ducks, Long-tailed ducks, Common Eiders, Surf Scoters and Horned Grebes. The major treat of the day was seeing 2 male Eiders in full breeding plumage. Today we saw a Red Breasted Merganser, Black Ducks and Common Goldeneyes. Usually I have to walk the on the dreaded jetty at the end of Long Beach Island to see the Harlequins. The jetty at Barnegat Light is 1 mile long, with huge gaps between the rocks. I become paralyzed after about the 3 or 4th rock. I am terrified of slipping between them. Call me silly.
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